Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
