she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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