Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
