ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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