I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
There's always time for handjobs
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
