i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
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