And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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