How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
