If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize