I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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