All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
