6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
