Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
