it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
