So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
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The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
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