My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
