i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
All the doctor said was why
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
