Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
