No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
