I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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