I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
