she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
