I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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