I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I currently don't understand fingers.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize