I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
