remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
