During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I want a musical about memes.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
