Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
