Everything about him screamed your future.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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