Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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