Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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