dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
