Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
