Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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