Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
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Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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