Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
