I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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