you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
