i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
