like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
