dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
