Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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