I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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