dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
