i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
