I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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