You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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