do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
