got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
