I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Randomize
