hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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