You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
