We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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