so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
