I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
