so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The adults are the big ones right?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
