thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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