Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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