i permit you to call me
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
