i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It's rum buckets o'clock
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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