And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
