:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
