I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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