From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
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