You smell like stripper and shame
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I love you.
Bad choice
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
