census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Randomize
