this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
home. puking in laundry basket.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
