marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I skipped work to stalk him.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
