I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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