either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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