Can i not drive my cunt home
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
