Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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