So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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