it hurts more in the daytime
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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