i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
