You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
