wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
operation harelip BJ is a go
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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