im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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