On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
