I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
