end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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